I never found my roots, my forever home. The home I will find peace and grow old. Honestly, I have never really felt that was something I need.
After I left my parents house, I bought an apartment with my then boyfriend. We both knew the abode was temporary. Somewhere, deep down, I also knew the relationship was. Why then did we marry? Well, that is a good question and I can think of hundreds of reasons depending. Anything from wildly in love, which would be a lie, to my own insecurity an fear of being alone.
Well, after we broke up I was alone for the better part of 10 years.
Moving out of the apartment, I found myself in another temporary abode. I was lucky enough that friends of my parents offered me an apartment situated in the basement of their house. There I stayed for two years finishing my law degree. Another temporary sanctuary.
When I got my first job after my masters degree (candidata juris), I had to move. As far northeast I could possible move and still be in Norway. Waaay up in the eastern part of Finnmark, where I got an 8-week contract.
I absolutely hated it! I cried my eyes out every day the first few weeks. It was absolutely terrible, and the preparations done by my boss who gave me 3 hours to decide and then 3 days to move, was less than nothing. In honesty he did find me a small room to stay the first two days. It was not a place I would offer anyone.
After I finished crying, I realized that I in fact liked the small and strange island. I could see myself staying for a long time.
Five years and a son born later, I decided the time had come. The midnight sun was great, the aurora borealis an experience for life and the dark during winter was bearable. The temperature not so much. When I had to dress my boy as if late fall in July, I had enough.
Moving back south we stayed four months at my parents house. Not suitable for any longer period and I was quite happy buying my own apartment.
Still I felt no roots. No feeling of settling down, finding my forever home. I kept dreaming of finding a life-partner, the perfect man, having more children and a house to live in.
Well, quite suddenly that was fulfilled. When Mr. Right showed me his deceased mother’s house which he was preparing to sell, I knew this was our house. This is still our house, and I have settled.
I am content, but I can feel the impatience, the need for change, surge through my veins. When the time is right we need to follow the wind. The energy. But for now, we stay.